Attention. March.

This is coming to you a little later than usual after I lost the first version I wrote this morning and had to rewrite a second this afternoon. I'm happy to report, I took the setback rather gracefully.

A bird woke me up this morning. I am grateful to and in awe of this little creature of feather, bone and song. He is one of the first to assure me we are rounding the bend to spring. In years past, I would delight at the sound of his call and the idea of another New England winter at my back; but this year, I am bittersweet. Bitter, because in these past months of wintering-at-home, I have honed a deeper appreciation for the darker, shorter days that has not yet been satiated; sweet, because I am newly confident that when my friend lifts off for his next migration south, I will feel as content and intrigued as I do today at winter's end.

The pandemic has afforded me this: a remembering that I am capable of equanimity, a knowing that I can be at peace...in love...in awe..curious whether night or day, summer or winter, young or old, hungry or full, sick or healthy. Not being a front-line worker and not grieving the loss of a loved one, COVID-19 has been, for me, in my grounded time at home, a catalyst in expanding my perspective (on climate change, politics, race...). I understand myself in the greater context of what is high above, deep below, and well before. In acknowledgement of what exists beyond my experience and understanding, I feel so expansive and vulnerable that old fears and stories fall away in their pale comparison.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying COVID-19 has left me feeling like Wonder Woman. I still spend most of my days in doing mode, often grumpy and short, wishing I could figure out how to be better at this or that. But I remember John Kabat-Zinn saying awareness is the human superpower often compromised by our intense focus on doing. This year at home, with less to do and nowhere to go, has forced me to hone my awareness. Walking the sun down, day after day, getting on my mat every single morning, eating every meal at the same table with the same three people, going days without getting in my car, writing every Sunday, wearing the same pair of jeans every damn day--the paring down--the simplicity has allowed for a hyper-attentiveness. Today, I noticed Phoebe's face looked different--seeing her so intimately so consistently makes it possible to see the slightest shifts in her facial features. I'm literally watching her grow up.

The moments when I halt what I'm doing, step outside, connect, drop in, and pay attention, are the moments that color my life these days. The being rather than the doing moments are when I am able to come to terms with how things are, who I am, and rejoice that I am alive and well, able to watch life unfold, and participate.

Join me tomorrow for our first Blue Light Group at 12PM EST where we will create space for others to share how they are feeling a year into this pandemic and discuss 5 tried-and-true mindfulness tools to help us pay greater attention. Please register at the link below.

Love to you all and as always, thank you for reading.